Crack that superman

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Entertainment Yahoo Life Videos. Celebrity Atlanta Black Star. Celebrity People. Superman, hoping no one will notice that he put his shirt on backward this morning. Superman starts destroying all the houses, under the logic that the government will then have to build new ones and that this will somehow end all crime. At no point does Superman consult the people who actually live there, or attempt to hide the fact that he's having way too much fun wrecking their homes.

The horrified citizens call the National Guard, but obviously they're no match for Superman's insanity -- the military sends aerial bombers in a desperate effort to stop the destruction, but Superman uses their bombs to help him in his task. Soon the entire neighborhood is in complete ruins and Superman goes off to wreck someone else's day. The Man of Steel only hated Lex Luthor for being inefficient. The story ends by saying that "the slums were replaced by splendid housing conditions" We didn't see Superman offering to let them stay in his Fortress of Solitude while construction took place, or, like, giving the slightest fuck about what happened to them at all.

While investigating a suicide, Superman discovers that the victim was a shareholder who had been sold worthless oil stock, along with several others. Upon learning this, yet another crackpot plan begins forming in Superman's warped little mind, one that will culminate with him borrowing a page from a certain Iraqi dictator.

First, Superman goes to the homes of all the other shareholders and buys the remaining stock using the alias Homer Ramsey. I have a hat. Next, he goes to the worthless oil well and drills the ground until he actually strikes oil -- the corrupt owners are thrilled by this development, until they find out that all the stock was recently bought by one Homer "Seriously, Though, I'm Not Superman" Ramsey. Supes takes the million and distributes it to the original shareholders, especially the suicide victim's family Instead, he kidnaps the corrupt owners while they sleep, takes them to the oil well in their pajamas Superman probably thinks that those are regular clothes.

It had been a few days since Superman had caused any property damage, and his hands were getting itchy. The oil well's employees come running in an attempt to stop the destruction -- apparently, Depression-era workers were not fond of seeing their livelihood destroyed. Superman does look out for them, though, telling them to run for safety I'm probably going to set you on fire anyway.

If Superman really wanted to help the scammed shareholders, he would have bought out the corrupt owners instead of everyone else they thought it was worthless, too , then tapped the well and simply let it flourish -- but nope, creating an ecological disaster and putting Americans out of work clearly made more sense in his head. But hey, at least he got a million bucks and a few laughs out of the whole thing.

In this story also from , Superman as Clark Kent gets called to a hotel room where an escaped prisoner tells him about the horrifying living conditions at the local chain gang. Tormented, whipped and starved by his jailers, the prisoner, Walter Crane, confides in Supes on the condition that his identity and whereabouts remain anonymous.

Superman says yes, of course And then, instead of trying to warn Crane that his torturer is coming, Superman literally leads the superintendent to his door and does nothing as Crane gets beaten:.

I just love squealing. It turns out that this is all part of another one of Superman's deranged plans although we're pretty sure that he just makes them up as he goes along -- he intentionally gave up Crane to make the superintendent think that he had gotten away with everything and get him to "go to even further depths of cruelty. And sure enough, Crane is once again savagely whipped.

But this time Superman is there to catch it on camera:. Note that Crane was in no way in on this, and never agreed to get his back torn open by a bullwhip to help Clark get his story. And also note that Superman could have accomplished the same thing by, say, getting himself arrested and having somebody else take the pictures. Since, you know, the whipping wouldn't hurt him.

Superman apprehends a thug wearing a Lexcorp designed super-battle suit. Luthor claims that the suit was stolen from him and he bears no responsibility for any attacks made against Superman's person by whoever was wearing it at the time, and a side-effect of the suit's use renders the user too brain-damaged to testify to the contrary.

Still carrying the goon, Superman flies back towards Metropolis. Lex meanwhile consults with one of his scientists, Dr. Cheng, who is overseeing a classified program known as Project: Changeling. However, Cheng did not take Superman's alien biology into account and the Superman clone crystallizes, transforming into a twisted Bizarro mockery of the true Superman.

Disgusted by Cheng's failure, Lex orders the creature destroyed. Bizarro escapes however and flies towards Metropolis. Some time later, Bizarro arrives in town and begins demonstrating behavioral patterns similar to that of Superman. He assists a disabled ambulance and saves the blind Lucy Lane from committing suicide.

He then steals a cheap business suit and attempts to walk to the Daily Planet as if he were one of their employees. Clark Kent notices the strange creature, and quickly changes into Superman. The two begin fighting on the streets of Metropolis, until Lois Lane arrives to witness the destruction.

Bizarro shares many personality traits with Superman, including a fondness for Lois Lane.